Tips for Interfaith Couples on Valentine’s Day

Your first Valentine’s Day as an interfaith couple. This can get tricky. Whether you’re in a budding romance or at the beginning of a beautiful friendship, how you approach this Christian holiday can set the stage for future harmony or conflict. To avoid friction, keep the following tips in mind.

Ask, don’t assume. It isn’t offensive to ask whether or not a person celebrates a holiday, and how they celebrate.

Share your traditions with one another. You go to birthday parties when it isn’t your birthday. Sharing in another’s customs shows that you respect that person.

Embrace the similarities of your faiths. Valentine died for his unyielding belief in one God, sacrificial love, and monogamy: convictions that Jews share.

Respect each other’s feelings. Sometimes compromise makes things worse. For some Jews, the cultural pressure to observe a Christian holiday (even one that is secularized), feels like a form of forced assimilation. For some Christians, secularizing a day meant to honor a Christian martyr feels like selling out–the opposite of what Valentine gave his life for. If you can’t find a middle ground, agree to each do your own thing without interference. No one should give up their identity.

Plan ahead. If your friend isn’t giving you flowers, but you have to have them, pick up a bunch for yourself. If religious conviction prevents you from honoring February 14, tell your sweetheart in enough time for her to plan a night out with the girls.

Choose another day. If you go your separate ways for Valentine’s Day, you need another day to celebrate your love. Rosh HaShana lends itself to sweet notes of affection and small gifts. Jewish holidays are often well received by Christians, since the Christian Bible includes the Tenach (Old Testament). Or commemorate the anniversary of the day you met, or the day he picked up the dry cleaning. Just choose a day (not a birthday) and set it aside to show each other how much you care. That’s what we all want. Do the same loving, silly, sappy stuff. But do it on a day that you both feel good about.

For more interfaith holiday celebration strategies, check out this article at About.com.

Copyright 2009, Kathryn A. Frazier http://preciousholidays.wordpress.com

See also: No Cost Romantic Valentine’s Day at Home

Valentine’s Day Activities for Children

Valentine’s Day Gifts to Make for $5 or Less