The December Dilemma: You celebrate Christmas, and she celebrates Hanukkah. The holiday season only lasts a few weeks, and you want everything to run smoothly. What to do? If you are in any kind of Jewish/Christian/Messianic interfaith relationship, these do’s and don’ts will help you navigate the December Dilemma.
- DO decorate different parts of the house. Divide the home (or room), and each of you decorate for your holiday.
- DON’T compromise your identity. You both have to give and take to make it work, but not at the expense of who you are. Talk about the traditions that are important to you. Decide what you will and won’t celebrate, and how. Listen to the other person, and allow them that same freedom and respect.
- DO keep non-religious traditions, like making crafts, baking cookies, or building a fire in the fireplace.
- DON’T belittle their traditions, even jokingly. Be secure enough in your identity that you are not threatened by the customs and faith of another.
- DO something new. Start a new tradition that you can do together that incorporates the spirit of both holidays. Try stargazing, or working together on a charity.
- DON’T start a discussion about the validity of your faith. Holidays are emotionally charged. If you want to get into a theological discussion regarding winter holidays, wait until summer.
- DO include special foods from both holidays. The one who celebrates Hanukkah can still enjoy eggnog and peppermint sticks. And the one who celebrates Christmas can still eat potato latkes and chocolate gelt.
- DON’T sermonize. If you eat kosher, make sure your hostess knows ahead of time, so she doesn’t feel slighted when you say no thank you. But don’t try to make her feel guilty for making ham. Offer to bring a dish. If you’re the cook, and your family wants something you don’t eat, decide early on whether you will be able to prepare it for them without feeling slighted or guilty. If not, plan ahead for someone to pick up non-kosher items from a deli or take-out restaurant.
- DO remember the commonalities of the faiths: love, peace, generosity, and good-will. Go the extra mile and do whatever you can to help your loved one have a joyous holiday season.
Copyright 2009, Kathryn A. Frazier http://preciousholidays.wordpress.com
Filed under: Christianity, Christmas, Family, Hanukkah, Holidays, Interfaith Relations, Judaism, Messianic Judaism, Relationships, Religion Tagged: | Christianity, Christmas, December Dilemma, Hanukkah, Holidays, Interfaith Relations, Judaism, Messianic Judaism
My parents were both Christian, but as kids we played Dreidel (with pretzels or M&Ms) on Christmas Eve and received chocolate gelt in our stockings. My parents used our cultural/religious holidays to teach us about others.
That is amazing and beautiful! Kudos to your folks!
“If you want to get into a theological discussion regarding winter holidays, wait until summer.”
Is it necessary for me to comment on this!
I do like the new look of the column. It’s lighter and airier than the previous one. It has a nice open summery feel. Just the thing for the season.
It’s also an Easter tradition to go to a friend’s Seder. Under the mentality that Jesus was Jewish and therefore should understand his culture.
That’s a beautiful tradition, youngwifey. When Jews and Gentiles get together, we can know a little bit more about the One True God.
As usual, wonderful, informing and uplifting! I can not tell you how easy you have made my holiday celebrations this year! You were a God send at just the right time. As my family and I enjoy the holidays together I thank God for placing you and your fountain of wisdom in my path!
Blessings now and in the year ahead, Sandy
And to you and your family, Sandy.
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